Dungeon Keeper

Dungeon Keeper banner

Developer: Mythic
Publisher: EA
Price: ‘Free’ to Play
Platform: IOS

Peter Molyneux love him or hate him created some pretty amazing games over the years. Dungeon Keeper being one of my favourites, a refreshing step forward in the strategy genre back in the late 90’s. Having been bought out by Electronic Arts, his Bullfrog Studio was closed down and all rights to their games handed to said purchasers. After numerous pathetic and damn right greedy attempts to reboot some classic home grown games, EA have done it again.

Dungeon Keeper

Normally I start my reviews with a question to give the reader a chance to make their own mind up when reading one of my reviews. However this time I feel like I need to get the boot in first.

It’s terrible, from the over cartoony visuals to the sheer virtual begging, to the damn right disgraceful bastardisation of a beloved series, everything that’s wrong with mobile gaming today oozes out of Dungeon Keeper Mobile like gangrenous wound on an old soul that pretty just needs amputating.

Dungeon KeeperDungeon Keeper Mobile isn’t a Dungeon Keeper game, it’s an abomination. The elephant in the room with most free to play games is micro transactions. The plague mobile gaming to the point that anything with free next to it on your chosen App Store, most people steer well clear. Sometimes though, a classic you loved as a teen will pop up and you’ll think, ‘I’ll give the benefit of the doubt’.

Dungeon Keeper unfortunately is riddled with them, like a cancer, crippling it to the point where you cannot DO ANYTHING without forking some money out. It barely resembles the original. Even Horny seems to have been given a shitty reality TV makeover in order to try get you to spend a few quid.

Like a prostitute it reals you in, it looks pretty, feels good to touch and yet after you’ve had you fun (if you can call it that) leaves you feeling cheated, empty, pissed off and ashamed you didn’t just go for the real thing.

Dungeon Keeper

And as if to prove a point you’re currently prevented from giving it less than five stars on android or leavening a written review on iTunes by EA themselves. A gutless monster that feeds on nostalgia and leaves you feeling dirty whether you’ve spent 6 minutes or £69.99 (the outrageous price of the top in-game currency that will only get you a few levels further than if you didn’t pay a penny).

I’ll use somebody else’s conclusion (David Jenkins of the Metro) ‘We can’t change publishers’ minds, only you can. Games like Dungeon Keeper are in danger of destroying the games industry and if you think that’s an exaggeration just consider how likely it now is that Dungeon Keeper will get a real sequel or reboot.

But it doesn’t really matter what you play. Whether it’s the violent anarchy of GTA V, the dramatic splendour of The Last Of Us, or the joyful invention of Super Mario 3D World. Just play a video game, a real video game, and help stop these hateful anti-games from spreading their poison any further.’

In conclusion, don’t fucking download it.

Score 0-5

Gareth Davis




One response to “Dungeon Keeper

  1. Pingback: Dungeon Keeper Mobile |·

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